Family Problems

 I often wonder, what life is all about,

Are the moments enough,

To get through all the rough,

Will my family make up?

Or will we forever be full of drama.

 

Isn’t life too short to push people away,

Family is who we should be able to count on?

Or am I just too naïve for real life.

Will my family continue to break,

Or was the initial fracture,

Enough for our sake?

 

Family is scarce and limited,

We should cherish it while we can,

But it seems something still seems to stand,

In the way of all that,

It continues to divide,

And I can’t seem to hide from it.

 

Unless we can make up,

We only set ourselves up,

To be alone,

In a world that is set,

To break us apart,

Will we shatter like a bull in

A china shop?

 

Seconds on The Clock

I’m slowly suffocating,

And even though times are changing.

It feels as though I am fading.

I think about how much has changed.

It takes my breath so far away.

All the people I have lost,

As the seconds on the clock

Tick away.

 

I’m slowly suffocating,

I miss the past,

Everything that seemed to last,

But I can’t get back to you.

 

The time continues,

But I feel stuck and gone

I always miss where I belong,

It is here, is it there?

In the past, or here at last?

Will I ever be content?

The One Left Behind

Dear whomever it fits or will fit,

I regret to inform you that,

Even in life there is death,

And in the living, there is the dying.

The flying actions we choose to take,

They have a sense of sickened permanence,

The words said can’t escape from the poisoned air,

Scraps of glass not ever to be repaired.

Minds change and people grow scared,

Tape might be able to hold together,

Though the cracks always stay there forever.

Physical wounds may heal,

But emotional are not all that clear,

Especially when compared to the tears.

When you leave me,

And you will, like everyone else,

Know that you have a nail in my heart.

I remember your smile,

Our laughs, our ceaseless memories,

They stay in my heart like the mistakes,

I will continue to make.

Somedays it hurts,

Other days I smile,

Just know that I love you,

From now until forever.

 

The one left behind.

 

The Hole Inside

 All my life I've been told, "look on the bright side" or "be positive", but all life has done is hurt me. I've lost one after another after another of people I love. And here I am possibly about to lose another. It seems like just as I'm about to heal from the previous sh** in my life, it all just comes rushing in. The band-aid I put on that convinces people that I'm okay eventually wears down and comes off. All the pain of past events comes rushing through. The pain comes with it and all I wish is to be numb. But I've been there and done that before and it got me nowhere. All I became was a shell of the person I was, I hid from the world in hopes that it wouldn't hurt me anymore. But the pain comes back like a slap in the face. If I allow myself to be happy, it just gives me more distance to fall when the world proves once more that I'll never heal. I'll be broken forever. I wish I was selfish enough to go numb. It's easier to pretend the pain doesn't exist, like the hole isn't there. But it is and the longer I ignore the pain, the harder it is to breath when it comes flooding back in. I watch everyone I love either die or suffer from death and what's worse, is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'm just stuck watching my life and the people in it fall apart over and over again. All I know is that I have to be there for them, do what I can to make them feel better, because I'm already broken beyond repair, so I focus on healing my loved ones. I'm a lost cause. I'll always have this hole and the longer I avoid the pain the more it hurts when it fights in. I wish I could be dumb. But being dumb isn't living. If you shut off one emotion, you shut off them all and they always find their way back in. No matter how hard you try to hide them. Numbness is temporary. So I'll try to stay strong for the people I love. I'll try to keep my tears to myself. Because nothing is more important than making sure the people I love don't get the same hole I'll have to live with my whole life. 

How Do I Want To Be Remembered?

For the impact,
Big or small,
I want to be someone,
Who rises when they fall,
Who smiles through it all,
A shoulder to cry on,
An ear to hear,
I will always be near,
A contagious smile,
A friend to listen,
Through ups and downs,
I will never leave.

I wish to be someone,
Who never holds on,
Grudges gone,
Past is past,
Only looking forward never back,
Selfless to you,
True to me,
Someone remembered for laughs,
Memories that mean the world.

Who do I want to be remembered as?
How about something different for each person?
When you need to take your mind off the world,
When someone needs to hear your pleas,
Someone who will drive in the middle of nowhere,
Just so that you can SCREAM!
Someone who's smile is enough to turn that frown upside down.

This is who I want to be,
This is me.

Change

It's the first day of October, leafs are changing, and the weather gets cooler. Summer is over, say goodbye to the warm days spent by the pool, the endless amount of vacation days that you can spend however you want because school isn't here yet. Now it's I'm too tired, or I have to do this assignment. Plus the transition from high school to college is a huge change.

Change a word I have grown to hate. It's like once I am content with my situation it changes. Middle school to high school to now college. But change is also a good thing. Change has brought me new friends, new challenges that allow me to grow, and it brings me to where I need to be. It also is full of goodbyes and heart ache.

Everyone goes through change. It happens everyday. Even if it's a minimal change we change who we are everyday. I believe that the things that are meant to happen will and who we are meant to be we will become.  

With that being said. Try not to stress. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and if you don't like where you are, don't worry. Tomorrow is a new day and will bring change to your life. 

Self Preservation

We like to ignore what could hurt us. 

We like to turn and look away from what scares us.

We don't like change, because it's unknown.

We don't like goodbyes.

It's hard to have feelings when everything around you is hurtful.

You have violent acts and heartbreak.

You have people who are out to get you.

You say goodbye to people you love, 

Sometimes, forever. 

It's impossible to not feel, 

no matter how hard we want or try,

We will always cry.

We feel and we hurt. 

We love and we cry.

That's just life. 

We can fight it and be defeated,

or accept it and be defeated. 

The truth is self preservation is lives great lie. 

We can't ignore it. 

It's there. 

Life keeps going,

Even when we fall.

Currently listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6q5Zn_ZkehM